Act Like You Care


Tests of Faith

80% of married men cheat in America.  The rest cheat in Europe

- Jackie Mason

Hired Don Juans Put Damsels to the Test

Jealous boyfriends in Russia are hiring professional seducers to test their beloved's fidelity before tying the knot, Izvestiya newspaper reported yesterday.  The going rate for the services of the freelance Don Juans is $US1,000 ($NZ2,544) - $US2,000, according to Vladimir Sadchikov, a private detective in northeast Russia.  Sadchikov recruits drama students to tempt prospective brides into becoming love cheats.  Each suspicious fiancé tells the agency about his loved one's taste, so detectives can match the potential seducer.  The husband-to-be then introduces the impostor to his beloved, and waits to see if she succumbs. - AFP

Source: The Evening Post Saturday 18 November 2000

Honey Trap Company Advertising in Job Centres

A private investigation firm is advertsing in job centres for flirtatious men and women to work as "honey trap" agents.  The company, called The Honey Trap, offers wages of £30 to £50 per hour for smart and confident people to "detect infidelity in personal relationships and report back to client".  Hours are given as between 10am and 9pm, six days per week, including evening and weekend work.

The work is advertised in job centres across the UK on the computerised Job Point database.  The company, based in Harrogate, Yorkshire, gives a website address for interested parties.  The website explains that employees are required to observe or flirt with a target to test their fidelity.  It reads: "The work is very simple.  Men and women that work for The Honey Trap on a part time/when needed basis will be paid to observe someone or occasionally openly flirt with the person in question.  No physical touch is needed and all they will be paid for is talking to them and reporting back to the client with what happened."  It adds that the agents' mission is not to break up happy relationships but expose dishonest partners.

A spokesman for the Department of Work and Pensions confirmed the job was advertised in job centres nationally but said there was no pressure for people to accept it.  He said: "There is absolutely no pressure for jobseekers to apply for this job.  It is a personal decision and if a person does not want to apply, there would be no effect on their benefits."

Source: Wednesday 3 September 2003

More Than 50% Don't Trust Love Partners

A British survey has revealed a nation of spies, rifling through their partners' text messages, tapping phone conversations and even tailing loved ones with webcams and satellite navigation systems, to check their significant others are faithful.

bulletThe most favoured way of keeping tabs on a partner is checking their text messages, with more than half (53%) of those questioned admitting sneaking a peek.  For young people aged 25 to 34 the number shoots up to a startling 77%.
bulletThe second most popular way of finding out if a partner has been a love-cheat is to read their e-mails - 42% told the UK Undercover Survey that they had carried out such a ploy.
bulletThe third is the old-fashioned method of rummaging through a partner's pockets, (39%), the survey found this was technique was particularly popular with women.
bulletBut men weren't in the clear.  They prefer to break another great unspoken rule - reading their partner's diary.  And neither is the spoken word safe, with many people admitting to listening on conversations their other halves believed would be confidential.
bulletAbout one in three (31%) of those questioned in the survey, commissioned by the Science Museum in London, for its Science of Spying exhibition, said they covertly listened in on their partner's private conversations.
bulletAt the paranoid end of the spectrum, a small number of the 1,129 people questioned said they had even secretly recorded their partner's telephone conversations, using dictaphones or other such taping devices.  Surprisingly, this method was the most popular with the over-55s age group not usually known for being tech-savvy.  One in 20 (5%) admitted to it.
bulletThis age group also included people who used other hi-tech devices to keep an electronic eye on their partners, such as using webcams to watch them while they were at work, or GSM tracking devices to follow them in their cars.  Almost one in 10 (9%) fancied themselves as private eyes, following their partners from a distance to check that they weren't meeting with a secret lover.

Commenting on the survey's findings, former spy Harry Ferguson, once an agent with the UK's MI6 secret service, said: "Everyone has the ability to be a bit of a spy every now and again.  You don't need to have James Bond's gadgets to enter the world of espionage."

Source: 4 April 2007

Anatomy of an Affair

by Laurence Roy Stains

Thinking of cheating?  Here's what to expect

Sooner or later every married man meets Kristi.  You know, Kristi.  She's there in the next cubicle.  God, she's just... great.  When you saw her yesterday, there was this, well, moment.  She looked into your eyes and did not look away.  You've got something she wants.  And you're tempted to give it.

Okay, deep breath.  You didn't embark on the journey of marriage with the idea of taking detours.  But then, most men don't.  They stumble onto their own Temptation Island.  You think to yourself, "Why do other people get to have all the fun?"

You can.  You da man.  And I'm going to lay it out for you, step by step.  Your fling will pass through four stages.  Stage One is...

bulletAttraction - Most affairs begin at work.  It starts innocently.  You trade notes and silly emails.  You both show up at the same after-work gatherings.  You grab a bite for lunch.  You start meeting for drinks.  She orders a Sex on the Beach and makes a joke.  A hungry itch comes over you.  It's time for Stage Two...
bulletEcstasy - You haven't felt like this since high school.  You've graduated to bottles of Dom at the No-Tell Motel.  Kisses have become Kama Sutra positions.  The rest of your life is on autopilot.  You're in love!  The sex is incredible.  You think nobody at work knows.  Everyone knows, which leads to Stage Three...
bulletComplication - One Monday morning you get the e-mail: "We must talk.  Lunch?"  Kristi pours out a sad story.  Steve suspects.  He was in a rage.  She needs to get out of her marriage.  You'll help her, won't you?  You fall silent.  That's just one sob story; there are a million others.  They all have the same plot development, though: You're about to be discovered.  You're pressured to break up with her.  She's wondering whether to break up with you - or him.  You realise, a little late, that you're not ready for any of this.  You're at Stage Four...
bulletRemorse - How the hell did I get myself into this?  Kristi is really starting to annoy you.  You're wondering how to get rid of her.  She's wondering when you're going to leave your wife, the way you sort of hinted at ... didn't you?  To extricate yourself, you're going to have to break the heart of the one person who can destroy you with a phone call.

That is, if it ever gets to this stage.  More likely, you'll be caught.  In which case, one of two things will happen: You'll get divorced or stay married.  If you get divorced, prepare to be broke and lonely.  If you stay married, prepare to do some major-league groveling.  Expect zero trust, zero slack, and quite possibly a retaliatory affair.

Oops.  I'm so sorry.

You were expecting a happy ending?  A happy ending!  You're so funny.  This story has been told a million times, in a million ways, for a million years.  Never is there a happy ending.  But you knew that.  Didn't you?

Source: Men's Health June 2003 page 121

A Bit on the Side: Straying Power

Gathering reliable data on sex is notoriously tricky.  Two years ago Durex, a company that makes contraceptives, surveyed more than 300,000 people in 41 countries, asking them about their sexual habits.  The intriguing results suggest that Turks are the least faithful to their partners while Israelis are the least likely to stray.  On average, around the world, 1-in-5 people have affairs, with Americans (deterred by the film Fatal Attraction?) and Britons slightly less likely to cheat and the French and the Nordics more likely to do so.  Of course, the survey may just as well be a measure of varying levels of honesty in the different countries.

Source: 24 May 2007

See also:

bulletCo-workers: Pros and Cons (in the section on Working) - Working with co-workers who are all of the opposite sex increases the divorce rate by a startling 70%, compared with an office filled with co-workers of the same sex.  Whether the co-workers were single or married had no impact...
bulletDangerous Passion (in the section on Relationships) - Why do women have affairs, risking abandonment and sometimes violence?  Buss suggests some combination of five factors...

The Scourge of Competition

by Steve Biddulph

Competition is the bane of men's lives.  To this day, when I sit down in a public place - beside a swimming pool, for example - I relax and feel good if there is no one else around.  If another man arrives, I first run a check that he is no physical threat - that he is not about to mug me.  No one has ever mugged me or hurt me since childhood, but the feeling still lives.  (Women understand this reflex for different reasons.)  Then I get to assessing whether he is stronger, has better clothes or is more athletic.  If he is with a woman, I look for signs that she doesn't really like him!  If the car park is within view, I check out his car for comparison with my own - a good guide to income and status, as well as taste.  Even if he is friendly and a conversation starts, I consider in what light to present myself.  The inner competition goes on and on - I seem caught in a basically hostile and insecure obsession with comparisons.

Source: Manhood: An Action Plan for Changing Men's Lives by Steve Biddulph 1995

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