End to End


Cleaning Up

Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion.
I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward.

- Kurt Vonnegut

Source: Funny Times

Source: offthemark.com

Stinky Jobs

Source: joe-ks.com


by Kathleen Doheny

bulletHours spent brushing teeth, lifetime average:  911
bulletPercent of Americans who wet their toothbrush before applying paste:  47
bulletPercent of children who use too much toothpaste:  73
bulletPercent of US households with dental floss:  90
bulletPercent of Americans who admit they never floss:  21
bulletMost popular toothbrush colour:  blue
bulletAverage number of dental visits, lifetime:  142
bulletPercent of Americans who have never been to see a dentist: 40
bulletNumber of toothpastes with the American Dental Association's Seal of Acceptance:  65
bulletPercent of US children without access to fluoridated water:  40
bulletEstimated number of dental injuries prevented each year in youth football players who wear mouth guards:  200,000
bulletPercent of US adults who think they have gum disease:  4
bulletPercent who do:  75
bulletPercent of toothless US adults in the 1970s:  30
bulletToday:  15

Sources: Monday 22 September 1997 © Los Angeles Times from American Academy of Paediatric Dentistry; American Dental Association; Academy of General Dentistry; Johnson & Johnson Consumer Products Incorporated; Oral-B Laboratories

A philosophy professor walked in to give his class their final.  Placing his chair on his desk the professor instructed the class, "Using every applicable thing you've learned in this course, prove to me that this chair DOES NOT EXIST."  Pencils wrote and erasers erased as student prepared to embark on novels proving that the chair didn't exist - except for one student.  He spent 30 seconds writing his answer, then turned his final in to the astonishment of his peers.

Time went by, and the day came when all the students got their final grades.  To the amazment of the class, the student who wrote for 30 seconds got the highest grade.  His answer to the question was "What chair?"

What's the difference between a philosopher and an engineer?
About $50,000 a year.

Big Zeroes

The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by physicists.  The element, tentatively named Administratum, has no protons or electrons and thus has an atomic number of 0.  However it does have:

bullet1 neutron
bullet125 assistant neutrons
bullet75 vice-neutrons
bullet111 assistant vice-neutrons

This gives it an atomic mass of 312.  The 312 particles are held together by a force that involves the continuous exchange of meson-like particles called morons.

Since it has no electrons, Administratum is inert.  However, it can be detected chemically as it impedes every action with which it comes in contact.  According to the discoverers, a minute amount of Administratum causes one reaction to take four days to complete when it would have normally occurred in less than one second.

Administratum has a normal half-life of approximately three years, at which time it does not actually decay but instead undergoes a reorganisation in which assistant neutrons, vice neutrons, and assistant vice-neutrons exchange places.  Some studies have shown that atomic mass actually increases after each reorganisation.  Research at other laboratories indicates that Administratum occurs naturally in the atmosphere.  It tends to concentrate at certain points such as government agencies, large corporations, and universities and can usually be found in the newest, best appointed, and best maintained buildings.

Scientists point out that Administratum is known to be toxic at any level of concentration and can easily destroy any productive reaction where it is allowed to accumulate.  Attempts are being made to determine how Administratum can be controlled to prevent irreversible damage, but results to date are not promising.

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