Life’s Little Instruction Book Excerpts


Good Advice

Advice is seldom welcome, and those who need it the most, like it the least.

- Lord Chesterfield

by H Jackson Brown Jr

bulletAccept a breath mint if someone offers you one.
bulletLove deeply and passionately.  You might get hurt, but it's the only way to live life completely.
bulletNever drive while holding a cup of hot coffee between your knees.
bulletIn disagreements, fight fairly.  No name calling.
bulletEat a piece of chocolate to cure bad breath from onions or garlic.
bulletNever remind someone of a kindness or act of generosity you have shown him or her.  Bestow a favour and forget it.
bulletWhen you get really angry, stick your hands in your pockets.
bulletAccept the fact that regardless of how many times you're right, you will sometimes be wrong.
bulletEvery once in a while ask yourself the question, If money weren't a consideration, what would I like to be doing?
bulletNever give anybody a fondue set or anything painted avocado green.
bulletRemember the 3 Rs: Respect for self; Respect for others; Responsibility for all your actions.
bulletPlant zucchini only if you have lots of friends.
bulletTake along a small gift for the host or hostess when you're a dinner guest.  A book is a good choice.
bulletNever be photographed with a cocktail glass in your hand.
bulletDon't marry a woman who picks at her food.
bulletTake off the convention badge as soon as you leave the convention hall.
bulletWrite a short note inside the front cover when giving a book as a gift.
bulletNever give a gift that's not beautifully wrapped.
bulletDon't think expensive equipment will make up for a lack of talent or practice.
bulletLearn to say "I love you" in French, Italian, and Swedish.
bulletWhen you are totally exhausted but have to keep going, wash your face and hands and put on clean socks and a clean shirt.  You will feel remarkably refreshed.
bulletLife will sometimes hand you a magical moment.  Savour it.
bulletDon't confuse comfort with happiness.
bulletCheck for toilet paper before sitting down.
bulletMarry a woman you love to talk to.  As you get older, her conversational skills will be as important as any other.
bulletDon't believe all you hear, spend all you have, or sleep all you want.
bulletLive a good, honourable life.  Then when you get older and think back, you'll get to enjoy it a second time.
bulletPurchase one piece of original art each year, even if it's just a small oil painting by a high school student.
bulletKeep your private thoughts private.
bulletDon't do business with anyone who has a history of suing people.
bulletNever say anything uncomplimentary about your wife or children in the presence of others.
bulletApologise immediately when you lose your temper, especially to children.
bulletGet organised.  Know where you are headed.  But if something wonderful and unexpected comes along, be flexible enough to follow it.
bulletRemember that nothing important ever happens until someone takes a chance.
bulletNever pick up anything off the floor of a cab.
bulletIn disagreements with loved ones, deal with the current situation.  Don't bring up the past.
bulletLeave change where a child can find it.
bulletShare your knowledge.  It's a way to achieve immortality.
bulletWhen travelling the back roads, stop whenever you see a sign that reads "Honey for Sale."
bulletDon't outlive your money.
bulletWhen your dog dies, frame its collar and put it in a window facing west.
bulletRemember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
bulletJudge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
bulletLet some things remain mysterious.
bulletNever eat a sugared doughnut when wearing a dark suit.
bulletKeep and file the best business letters you receive.
bulletHire people more for their judgement than for their talents.
bulletLove someone who doesn't deserve it.
bulletRegardless of the situation, react with class.

Source: Life's Little Instruction Book Volume II

For Your (Furry) Best Friend

by David Brawn

bulletDon't eat hot food, yellow snow, toffees, peanut, butter, or wasps (flies are okay).
bulletDon't drink seawater, fizzy drinks, or out of the toilet.
bulletDon't get fat.
bulletDon't go to sleep on ants' nests.
bulletDon't chase sheep unless you're qualified.
bulletDon't pee on houseplants or wet yourself when having your tummy tickled.
bulletDon't try to catch a ball that's small enough to swallow
bulletDon't countenance incest.
bulletDon't be embarrassed about showing off your private parts.
bulletDon't whine.
bulletBe inquisitive.
bulletControl your jealousy.
bulletBe someone's hero.
bulletWear your collar and tag with pride.
bulletStay indoors for fireworks.
bulletTake your owners for walks (never let a little rain dissuade you!).
bulletPush your nose under someone's elbow if you want attention.
bulletStick your head out the window (or preferably the sunroof) of a fast-moving car.
bulletKeep your tail away from young children and down when it's cold and windy.
bulletChase frisbees but not boomerangs.
bulletLearn to find your own way home.
bulletWhen you get old, learn some new tricks.
bulletLearn to say "Sorry" and to shake hands.
bulletLearn to unwrap your own presents.
bulletLie down in front of the fire - but not too close.

Source: A Dog's Little Instruction Book

FAQ for Dogs

by Neahmiah Scudder

  1. Who's a good boy?

  2. Who's got a fluffy tail?

  3. What's in your tail?

  4. What do you have?

  5. What's in your mouth?

  6. Where did you get that?

  7. Where is the rest of that?

  8. Where's your mom?


The Secrets of Life


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