Kind of embarrassing, [but] at a recent campaign rally, Al Gore's daughter mistakenly referred to Seattle as the capital of Washington.  It's Olympia.  George W Bush was all over this.  He said, "Even I'm not that bad with geometry."

- Jay Leno
 

In Washington DC Secret Service agents had to tackle a man who jumped the security fence
and tried to get into the White House.  Police have identified the man as Ralph Nader.

- Conan O'Brien
 

Source: www.idrewthis.org

by Bill Maher

Mr President, this job can't be fun for you any more.  There's no more money to spend - you used up all of that.  You can't start another war because you used up the army.  And now, darn the luck, the rest of your term has become the Bush family nightmare: helping poor people.  Listen to your Mom.  The cupboard's bare, the credit card's maxed out.  No one's speaking to you.  Mission accomplished.

Now it's time to do what you've always done best: lose interest and walk away, like you did with your military service and the oil company and the baseball team.  It's time, time to move on and try the next fantasy job.  How about cowboy or space man?

Now I know what you're saying: there're so many other things that you as President could involve yourself in.  Please don't.  I know, I know, there's a lot left to do.  There's a war with Venezuela, eliminating the sales tax on yachts, turning the space program over to the church and Social Security to Fannie Mae, and giving embryos the vote.  But, Sir, none of that is going to happen now.  Why?  Because you govern like Billy Joel drives.  You've performed so poorly I'm surprised that you haven't given yourself a medal.  You're a catastrophe that walks like a man.  Herbert Hoover was a shitty president, but even he never conceded an entire city to rising water and snakes.

On your watch, we've lost almost all of our allies, the surplus, four airliners, two trade centres, a piece of the Pentagon, and the city of New Orleans.  Maybe you're just not lucky.  I'm not saying you don't love this country.  I'm just wondering how much worse it could be if you were on the other side.

So, yes, God does speak to you.  What he's saying is: "Take a hint."

Source: agitprop.typepad.com 19 December 2005

You Are IN Britney Spears!!

by Gene Weingarten Washington Post Staff Writer

Sunday 14 Jan 2001 - The following is excerpted from one of AOL's "hottest sites," the Britney Spears Chat Room:

PumpBody14: n e hot ladies in here?

Stinqwinky: Any hott guys want to chat?

Weinpost: Anyone want to talk about George W Bush?

FN233: Ummmm. No.

CRAZY10Guy: No.

Weinpost: anyone have any views on the issues facing the new administration?

Iamhorny18f: Any Hot Men Here I'll Strip For You on My Webcam.  Click here.

Weinpost: Anyone think Geo W Bush is a hottie?

ZCC101: Bush sucks.

Crazy10Guy: I'm from Hawaii.

Weinpost: Do you folks disagree with his politics?

ZCC101: He's a lier.

ChickDx: He's just a jerk lier wannabe.  Why do you like him.

Weinpost: I don't like him, totally.  I just think he's hott.

ChickDx: GROSS!!!

Weinpost: um, how old are you, Chick?

ChickDx: 14 u?

Buki7: n e one got naked pics of Spears?

Weinpost: i'm 49

ChickDx: wow

GymnastKatie2000: ewwww

Weinpost: Do you feel that Bush will have problems establishing his legitimacy, vis a vis the closeness of the election?

ChickDx: ChickDx has left the room.

GymnastKatie2000: GymnastKatie2000 has left the room.

JERaptor: n e 1 got nud pix of brit press 123

DirtyCrazyChico: You people saw her MTB Music Awards Performance?  That was MAD TIGHT

Weinpost: Anyone here have any feelings about the new presidential administration of Geo W Bush?

Angerrelated: WASSSSUUUUP

Jmaster96: I like feet.

Weinpost: I like George W Bush and compassionate conservatism.  Any takers?

MagicCircle449: this room sucks who seriosly likes Brittney here?

StoneColdsGirlie: Britney Spears is a hoochie.

Weinpost: Is Richard Cheney a hottie?

Scoobdoo1fan: no he is an old guy

Scoobdoo1fan: he's like 58.

Weinpost: Do you trust Cheney as the number two guy?

Scoobdoo1fan: I dont trust Cheny.

Scoobdoo1fan: Or whatever his name is.

Scoobdoo1fan: I hate bush and gore.

Weinpost: Why, Scoobs?

Scoobdoo1fan: bush wants to make it illegal to have an aborshone

Samkam1209: Gore tries bush lies

Scoobdoo1fan: And Gore wants us not to have cars.

Weinpost: NO CARS?????

Scoobdoo1fan: For the enviornment

Slyfox1988: WWWWAAAZZZZUUUUPPPP!!!!

JERaptor: ne 1 got nude pix of brit press 123

Cutiepie19545: this is a weird question but does anyone know what hospital britney was born in?

Weinpost: Do you believe in compassionate conservatism?

Scoobdoo1fan: I don't know what it is

Weinpost: Me neither!

Biznatchboy96: who thinks Britney iz hot?

Weinpost: Scoobs, do you like Britney?

Scoobdoo1fan: ya

Weinpost: Do you like George W Bush?

Scoobdoo1fan: no

Weinpost: Do you like Scooby Doo?

Scoobdoo1fan: i used to.  I like the grincg now

Weinpost: grincg?

Scoobdoo1fan: grinch.  sry.  bad spellar.

Weinpost: Are you concerned by the effects of this election on the nation?

Scoobdoo1fan: i stayed up all that night watching them get the polls from the states.

Weinpost: me too!

Scoobdoo1fan: i turned it in for extra credit.

Weinpost: uh, how old are you?

Scoobdoo1fan: 13/f/az.

Weinpost: what do your parents do?

PimpadelicMan: Hey, whats going on in here

McnacLeah: any girls want to give me their honest opinion of my pic?  IM me.

Scoobdoo1fan: my mom is a nurse.  i dont live with my dad

Weinpost: What is the most important issue facing the new administration?

Scoobdoo1fan: sorry i dont know what that means

Weinpost: OK, what is your biggest worry?  Personal worry, in your life.

Scoobdoo1fan: dieing.

CHAd 1 MuSkA: britany spears is hot!

Scoobdoo1fan: or my dog passing away and my mom dieing.

Weinpost: What is your dog's name?

KrOnIcpLaYeR: Any fine gurlz want to talk 2 a 15/m brown hair brown eyes 5'5?

Scoobdoo1fan: peanut.

Weinpost: Scoob, do you think we need a more conservative approach in government?

Scoobdoo1fan: no

Weinpost: Why?

Scoobdoo1fan: Ppl might rebel.

Papakorn Jim: hey, scoobdoo1fan, want to chat?

Scoobdoo1fan: in a lil bit K?

Papakorn Jim: K.

Weinpost: Rebel?  How?

Scoobdoo1fan: Well they might move and how would the US pay for itself then

Bfavre141: 16/f fu want nude brit spears pics IM em now

Weinpost: Whoa.  Good point. If the govt is too strict people will leave.  Erode the tax base.  Where will they go?

Scoobdoo1fan: France

Weinpost: Could be.  So you think Bush should sort of pretend to be liberal to keep people happy?

Scoobdoo1fan: he could.

Weinpost: What would be a good first step?

Scoobdoo1fan: help homeles ppl

Weinpost: Good plan.  Think it will happen?

Scoobdoo1fan: no

SwTa2nRyCeLuVr17: Britney is like my computer.

Weinpost: why not?

Scoobdoo1fan: Becus the US doesn't care i think

SwTa2nRyCeLuVr17: Cheap and plastic.

Scoobdoo1fan: theyd probly say

Scoobdoo1fan: look its ur fault

Scoobdoo1fan: get a job

Iamhorny18f: Any Hot Men Here.

Scoobdoo1fan: brb

Weinpost: brb?

Scoobdoo1fan: Be right back.  I think my jello is done

Papakorn Jim: Do you think Britney really likes Justin?

Marie86877459984: ya

Papakorn Jim: i dont

Scoobdoo1fan: she IS going out w/ him.  duh?

Weinpost: if i could get one message to George W Bush from Scoobs, what should I tell him?

Scoobdoo1fan: take some time get used to being the prez dont rush into things

Weinpost: good advice

Scoobdoo1fan: and dont be mean remeber the homeles its not there fault

Supercow5688: Britney Spears has fake ones but theyre still nice.

Source: © 2001 The Washington Post Company

Bushisms

Democracy is a form of government that substitutes election by the incompetent many
for appointment by the corrupt few.

- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
 

	"We need an energy bill that encourages consumption."
	"When Iraq is liberated, you will be treated, tried, and persecuted as a war criminal."
	"Sometimes, Washington is one of these towns where the person - people who think they've got the sharp elbow is the most effective person."
	"I promise you I will listen to what has been said here, even though I wasn't here."
	"I know what I believe. I will continue to articulate what I believe and what I believe - I believe what I believe is right."
	"For every fatal shooting, there were roughly three non-fatal shootings.  And, folks, this is unacceptable in America.  It's just unacceptable.  And we're going to do something about it."
	"It's very important for folks to understand that when there's more trade, there's more commerce."
	"You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test."
	"Redefining the role of the United States from enablers to keep the peace to enablers to keep the peace from peacekeepers is going to be an assignment."
	"Natural gas is hemispheric. I like to call it hemispheric in nature because it is a product that we can find in our neighbourhoods."

Source: bybeautydamned.net from Maria

Top 10 Bushisms of 2004

from Daniel Kurtzman

1. "I want you to know.  Karyn is with us.  A West Texas girl, just like me." — Nashville, Tennessee 27 May 27 2004
2. "Then you wake up at the high school level and find out that the illiteracy level of our children are appalling." — Washington, DC 23 January 2004
3. "Free societies are hopeful societies.  And free societies will be allies against these hateful few who have no conscience, who kill at the whim of a hat." — Washington, DC 17 September 2004
4. "I want to thank the astronauts who are with us, the courageous spacial entrepreneurs who set such a wonderful example for the young of our country." — Washington, DC 14 January 2004
5. "We will make sure our troops have all that is necessary to complete their missions.  That's why I went to the Congress last September and proposed fundamental — supplemental funding, which is money for armour and body parts and ammunition and fuel." — Erie, Pennsylvania 4 September 2004
6. "After standing on the stage, after the debates, I made it very plain, we will not have an all-volunteer army.  And yet, this week — we will have an all-volunteer army!" —Daytona Beach, Florida 16 October 2004
7. "Tribal sovereignty means that; it's sovereign. I mean, you're a — you've been given sovereignty, and you're viewed as a sovereign entity.  And therefore the relationship between the federal government and tribes is one between sovereign entities." — Washington, DC 6 August 2004
8. "I hear there's rumours on the Internets that we're going to have a draft." — second presidential debate, St Louis, Missouri 8 October 2004
9. "Too many good docs are getting out of the business.  Too many OB-GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country." — Poplar Bluff, Missouri 6 September 2004
10. "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we.  They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." — Washington, DC 5 August 2004

Source: politicalhumor.about.com

For more articles relating to Money, Politics and Law including globalisation, tax avoidance, consumerism, credit cards, spending, contracts, trust, stocks, fraud, eugenics and more click the "Up" button below to take you to the Table of Contents for this section.