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Public Service Announcements for Preschoolers

The Universe is one great kindergarten for man.
Everything that exists has brought with it its own peculiar lesson.

- Orison Swett Marden

Source Anderson Valley Advertiser 16 August 2000

Children's Book You Will Never See

  1. You Were an Accident
  2. Strangers Have the Best Candy
  3. The Little Sissy Who Snitched
  4. Some Kittens Can Fly!
  5. How to Dress Sexy for Grownups
  6. Getting More Chocolate on Your Face
  7. Where Would You Like to be Buried?
  8. Katy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her
  9. All Dogs Go To Hell
  10. The Kids Guide To Hitchhiking
  11. Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia
  12. What is That Dog Doing To That Other Dog?
  13. Why Can't Mr Fork and Ms Electrical Outlet Be Friends?
  14. Bi-Curious George
  15. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry
  16. Mr Policeman Eats His Service Revolver
  17. You Are Different and That's Bad
  18. Fun with Pointy Things
  19. Keep Picking At It
  20. It's Your Fault They Got a Divorce
  21. If it's in a Bottle Drink It
  22. Eating Glue is Good For You
  23. You Can Fly Too If You Wear a Cape
  24. The Attention Deficit Disorder Association's Book of Wild Animals of North Amer- Hey! Let's Go Ride Our Bikes!
  1. Foreigners are Bad People
  2. Plastic Bag Space Helmet and Other Fun Activities
  3. Razor, Razor, Who's Got the Razor?
  4. Is the Stove Hot Yet?
  5. Dead Pets Are Fun Too
  6. The New Baby is Better Than You
  7. You Are Different and That's Bad
  8. Dad's New Wife Timothy
  9. Pop! Goes The Hamster....And Other Great Microwave Games
  10. Testing Homemade Parachutes Using Household Pets
  11. The Hardy Boys, the Barbie Twins, and the Vice Squad
  12. Babar Meets the Taxidermist
  13. Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence
  14. The Boy Who Died from Eating All His Vegetables
  15. Start a Real-Estate Empire With the Change From Your Mom's Purse
  16. The Pop-up Book of Human Anatomy
  17. Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will
  18. The Care Bears Maul Some Campers and are Shot Dead
  19. How to Become The Dominant Military Power In Your Elementary School
  20. Controlling the Playground: Respect through Fear
  21. Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her
  22. Sharing Is for the Weak
  23. When Mommy and Daddy Don't Know the Answer, They Say God did It

Common Knowledge

The greater our knowledge increases the more our ignorance unfolds.

- John F Kennedy

A first grade teacher gave her class the first half of a common proverb and asked them to come up with the rest:

bulletBetter to be safe than-----punch a 5th grader
bulletStrike while the-----bug is close
bulletIt's always darkest before-----Daylight Savings Time
bulletNever underestimate the power of-----termites
bulletYou can lead a horse to water but-----how?
bulletDon't bite the hand that-----looks dirty
bulletNo news is-----impossible
bulletA miss is as good as a-----Mr
bulletYou can't teach an old dog new-----math
bulletIf you lie down with dogs you'll-----stink in the morning
bulletLove all, trust-----me
bulletThe pen is mightier than the-----pigs
bulletAn idle mind is the-----best way to relax
bulletWhere's there's smoke there's-----pollution
bulletHappy the bride who-----gets all the presents
bulletA penny saved is-----not much
bulletTwo's company; three's-----the Musketeers
bulletDon't put off til tomorrow what you-----put on to go to bed
bulletLaugh and the world laughs with you; cry and you-----have to blow your nose
bulletNone are so blind as-----Helen Keller
bulletChildren should be seen and not-----spanked or grounded
bulletIf at first you don't succeed-----get new batteries
bulletYou get out of something what you-----see pictured on the box
bulletWhen the blind leadeth the blind-----get out of the way
bulletBetter late than-----pregnant

Source: Funny Times

To see articles on humour plus cartoons and jokes, clicking the "Up" button below takes you to the Table of Contents for this Humour section.

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