Don't Rush Into Things
Maher to Dear Leader: Game Over
Kind of embarrassing, [but] at a recent campaign rally, Al Gore's daughter mistakenly referred to Seattle as the capital of Washington. It's Olympia. George W Bush was all over this. He said, "Even I'm not that bad with geometry."
- Jay Leno
In Washington DC Secret Service agents had to tackle a man who jumped the security fence
- Conan O'Brien
by Bill Maher
Mr President, this job can't be fun for you any more. There's no more money to spend - you used up all of that. You can't start another war because you used up the army. And now, darn the luck, the rest of your term has become the Bush family nightmare: helping poor people. Listen to your Mom. The cupboard's bare, the credit card's maxed out. No one's speaking to you. Mission accomplished.
Now it's time to do what you've always done best: lose interest and walk away, like you did with your military service and the oil company and the baseball team. It's time, time to move on and try the next fantasy job. How about cowboy or space man?
Now I know what you're saying: there're so many other things that you as President could involve yourself in. Please don't. I know, I know, there's a lot left to do. There's a war with Venezuela, eliminating the sales tax on yachts, turning the space program over to the church and Social Security to Fannie Mae, and giving embryos the vote. But, Sir, none of that is going to happen now. Why? Because you govern like Billy Joel drives. You've performed so poorly I'm surprised that you haven't given yourself a medal. You're a catastrophe that walks like a man. Herbert Hoover was a shitty president, but even he never conceded an entire city to rising water and snakes.
On your watch, we've lost almost all of our allies, the surplus, four airliners, two trade centres, a piece of the Pentagon, and the city of New Orleans. Maybe you're just not lucky. I'm not saying you don't love this country. I'm just wondering how much worse it could be if you were on the other side.
So, yes, God does speak to you. What he's saying is: "Take a hint."
Source: agitprop.typepad.com 19 December 2005
You Are IN Britney Spears!!
by Gene Weingarten Washington Post Staff Writer
Sunday 14 Jan 2001 - The following is excerpted from one of AOL's "hottest sites," the Britney Spears Chat Room:
PumpBody14: n e hot ladies in here?
Stinqwinky: Any hott guys want to chat?
Weinpost: Anyone want to talk about George W Bush?
FN233: Ummmm. No.
Weinpost: anyone have any views on the issues facing the new administration?
Iamhorny18f: Any Hot Men Here I'll Strip For You on My Webcam. Click here.
Weinpost: Anyone think Geo W Bush is a hottie?
ZCC101: Bush sucks.
Crazy10Guy: I'm from Hawaii.
Weinpost: Do you folks disagree with his politics?
ZCC101: He's a lier.
ChickDx: He's just a jerk lier wannabe. Why do you like him.
Weinpost: I don't like him, totally. I just think he's hott.
Weinpost: um, how old are you, Chick?
ChickDx: 14 u?
Buki7: n e one got naked pics of Spears?
Weinpost: i'm 49
Weinpost: Do you feel that Bush will have problems establishing his legitimacy, vis a vis the closeness of the election?
ChickDx: ChickDx has left the room.
GymnastKatie2000: GymnastKatie2000 has left the room.
JERaptor: n e 1 got nud pix of brit press 123
DirtyCrazyChico: You people saw her MTB Music Awards Performance? That was MAD TIGHT
Weinpost: Anyone here have any feelings about the new presidential administration of Geo W Bush?
Jmaster96: I like feet.
Weinpost: I like George W Bush and compassionate conservatism. Any takers?
MagicCircle449: this room sucks who seriosly likes Brittney here?
StoneColdsGirlie: Britney Spears is a hoochie.
Weinpost: Is Richard Cheney a hottie?
Scoobdoo1fan: no he is an old guy
Scoobdoo1fan: he's like 58.
Weinpost: Do you trust Cheney as the number two guy?
Scoobdoo1fan: I dont trust Cheny.
Scoobdoo1fan: Or whatever his name is.
Scoobdoo1fan: I hate bush and gore.
Weinpost: Why, Scoobs?
Scoobdoo1fan: bush wants to make it illegal to have an aborshone
Samkam1209: Gore tries bush lies
Scoobdoo1fan: And Gore wants us not to have cars.
Weinpost: NO CARS?????
Scoobdoo1fan: For the enviornment
JERaptor: ne 1 got nude pix of brit press 123
Cutiepie19545: this is a weird question but does anyone know what hospital britney was born in?
Weinpost: Do you believe in compassionate conservatism?
Scoobdoo1fan: I don't know what it is
Weinpost: Me neither!
Biznatchboy96: who thinks Britney iz hot?
Weinpost: Scoobs, do you like Britney?
Weinpost: Do you like George W Bush?
Weinpost: Do you like Scooby Doo?
Scoobdoo1fan: i used to. I like the grincg now
Scoobdoo1fan: grinch. sry. bad spellar.
Weinpost: Are you concerned by the effects of this election on the nation?
Scoobdoo1fan: i stayed up all that night watching them get the polls from the states.
Weinpost: me too!
Scoobdoo1fan: i turned it in for extra credit.
Weinpost: uh, how old are you?
Weinpost: what do your parents do?
PimpadelicMan: Hey, whats going on in here
McnacLeah: any girls want to give me their honest opinion of my pic? IM me.
Scoobdoo1fan: my mom is a nurse. i dont live with my dad
Weinpost: What is the most important issue facing the new administration?
Scoobdoo1fan: sorry i dont know what that means
Weinpost: OK, what is your biggest worry? Personal worry, in your life.
CHAd 1 MuSkA: britany spears is hot!
Scoobdoo1fan: or my dog passing away and my mom dieing.
Weinpost: What is your dog's name?
KrOnIcpLaYeR: Any fine gurlz want to talk 2 a 15/m brown hair brown eyes 5'5?
Weinpost: Scoob, do you think we need a more conservative approach in government?
Scoobdoo1fan: Ppl might rebel.
Papakorn Jim: hey, scoobdoo1fan, want to chat?
Scoobdoo1fan: in a lil bit K?
Papakorn Jim: K.
Weinpost: Rebel? How?
Scoobdoo1fan: Well they might move and how would the US pay for itself then
Bfavre141: 16/f fu want nude brit spears pics IM em now
Weinpost: Whoa. Good point. If the govt is too strict people will leave. Erode the tax base. Where will they go?
Weinpost: Could be. So you think Bush should sort of pretend to be liberal to keep people happy?
Scoobdoo1fan: he could.
Weinpost: What would be a good first step?
Scoobdoo1fan: help homeles ppl
Weinpost: Good plan. Think it will happen?
SwTa2nRyCeLuVr17: Britney is like my computer.
Weinpost: why not?
Scoobdoo1fan: Becus the US doesn't care i think
SwTa2nRyCeLuVr17: Cheap and plastic.
Scoobdoo1fan: theyd probly say
Scoobdoo1fan: look its ur fault
Scoobdoo1fan: get a job
Iamhorny18f: Any Hot Men Here.
Scoobdoo1fan: Be right back. I think my jello is done
Papakorn Jim: Do you think Britney really likes Justin?
Papakorn Jim: i dont
Scoobdoo1fan: she IS going out w/ him. duh?
Weinpost: if i could get one message to George W Bush from Scoobs, what should I tell him?
Scoobdoo1fan: take some time get used to being the prez dont rush into things
Weinpost: good advice
Scoobdoo1fan: and dont be mean remeber the homeles its not there fault
Supercow5688: Britney Spears has fake ones but theyre still nice.
Source: © 2001 The Washington Post Company
Democracy is a form of government that substitutes election by the incompetent many
- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
Source: bybeautydamned.net from Maria
Top 10 Bushisms of 2004
from Daniel Kurtzman
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