Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other.
Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then.

- Katherine Hepburn
 

Women like silent men.  They think they're listening.

- Marcel Archard
 

Source: the web

I find it curious how similar - and yet how different - the above two pictures are.

The Difference Between Men and Women in One Paragraph:

A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road.  A woman is driving down the same road.  As they pass each other, the woman leans out of her window and yells, "PIG!!"  The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, "BITCH!!"  They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road.

Source: somewhere on the internet

The Geography of a Woman

Now is the time for all good men to come to.

- Walt Kelly

	Between the ages of 18 - 21 a woman is like Africa or Australia.  She is half discovered, half wild and naturally beautiful with bushland around the fertile deltas.
	Between the ages of 21 - 30 a woman is like America or Japan.  Completely discovered, very well developed and open to trade especially with countries with cash or cars.
	Between the ages of 30 - 35 she is like India or Spain. Very hot, relaxed and convinced of its own beauty.
	Between the ages of 35 - 40 a woman is like France or Argentina.  She may have been half destroyed during the war but can still be a warm and desirable place to visit.
	Between the ages of 40 - 50 she is like Yugoslavia or Iraq.  She lost the war and is haunted by past mistakes.  Massive reconstruction is now necessary.
	Between the ages of 50 - 60 she is like Russia or Canada.  Very wide, quiet and the borders are practically unpatrolled but the frigid climate keeps people away.
	Between the ages of 60 - 70 a woman is like England or Mongolia.  With a glorious and all conquering past but alas no future.
	After 70 they become Albania or Afghanistan.  Everyone knows where it is, but no one wants to go there.

The Geography of a Man

Between the ages of 15 - 70 a man is like Zimbabwe - ruled by a dick.

A recently divorced woman walked along the beach contemplating how badly treated she was in her divorce settlement.  Just then she spied a magic lamp washed up on shore.  She tried rubbing the lamp and out popped a magical genie.  The genie noticed her anger and let her vent her troubles to him.  As a consolation, he informed her that he would give her three wishes.  But, he cautioned her, because he did not believe in divorce, he would give her ex-husband ten times the amount of whatever she wished.

The woman thought this hardly fair, but made her first wish.  The first wish was for a billion dollars.  The genie granted her wish and she found herself sitting on pile of a billion one-dollar bills.  The genie then reminded her that her husband was now the recipient of 10 billion dollars.  The woman made her second wish.  The second wish was for a beautiful mansion on the shore of her own private beach.  In an instant it was granted.  The genie reminded again that her ex-husband now owned ten of what she wished for and pointed down the beach to a small development of mansions.

The woman took her time to contemplate her last wish.  Just as the genie was about to give up on her, the woman informed the genie that she was now ready for her last wish.  Before she could do this, the genie again warned her that her ex-husband would get ten times what she wished for.

"No problem," said the woman as she grinned in ecstasy.  "For my last wish... I'd like to give birth to twins!

What's wrong with that joke?

For one thing, a billion dollars in $1 bills would weigh something on the order of 2 million pounds.  If stacked in a single stack, they would be 18.9 miles high - which means even when placed in a "pile" for the lady to sit on, they still would've been a hazard to low-flying planes.  And her ex-husband had a pile ten times that big?  Naaaah.  He had a pile the same size, but of $10 bills.  After all the lawsuits from families in his neighbourhood who were suffocated/squashed by his wealth were settled, he probably had very little of it left.

However, she probably died in childbirth while HE went on the talk show circuit with his 20 kids and regained most of his wealth.  (That's what she gets for being vindictive.)

Gotta Love Somebody?

by Leigh Catley

An Australian survey into relationships has shown 100% of young men feel they must be in a relationship to have a satisfying life.  Counselling organisation Relationship Australia studied 700 couples and found despite declining marriage rates and the increase in average age at first marriage, young people still value partner relationships.  The survey showed more than half believe marriage cements the relationship.

Young single men not in a relationship all reported being dissatisfied with life, while a large majority of young men in a relationship reported satisfaction with life overall.  Interestingly only 35% of the young men studied said they were in a partner relationship, compared to 55 % of young women.  The study also showed women have high satisfaction with their partners when they are young, but this reduces markedly later in life.  Young women reported 100% satisfaction with partners, but by the time they reach their 60s, the level has plummeted to around 20%.  At the same time, men in their 60s reported feeling more content with their lifetime partners.

Source: Newsroom 12th July 2001 © Newsroom

Moral?  Have patience, guys...

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