Men always want to be a woman's first love - women like to be a man's last romance.

- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
 

Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men.

- Kin Hubbard
 

Hitting the Midlife Wall

Bucking the Trend - Michael Douglas and his wife, Catherine Zeta-Jones

Dr Thomas Stittaford puts the record straight on the crises that some men find themselves facing in their middle age (which for some can begin at 35)

A claim that middle-aged men are falling foul of a new condition called cyberphobia is simply dressing up an already-acknowledged male condition in techno-speak.  George Lotter, the director of a pastoral counselling centre near Johannesburg, told a conference on marriage that cyberphobia is an all-consuming jealousy of an aggressive, successful young man whose success may induce a midlife crisis in older colleagues.  This crisis may destroy a man's marriage, his job and his happiness.  Professor Lotter uses the word to describe the jealousy, and all that stems from it, of a middle-aged man when a younger "star" threatens to upset the established hierarchy.  The whizkid, with all the advantages of having testosterone surging around his virile body, further undermines the older man's confidence by actually understanding how computers work and the intricacies of the Internet.

Professor Lotter's theory is not new, though.

In my youth this "cyberphobia" syndrome was known as the old stag complex - the constant battle of an old warrior to maintain his power and position, and one which he is bound to lose: age erodes even the toughest old stag.  According to Professor Lotter, a man knows when he is entering the male menopause, or developing a midlife crisis, because he develops cyberphobia.  But the terms "male menopause" and "midlife crisis" are not synonymous.  Even the description male menopause is misleading.  It is more accurately known as the andropause, and describes the decline in masculinity following a middle-aged slump in male hormone levels that characteristically becomes apparent between 45 and 55.

The physical symptoms experienced as testosterone levels slowly fall are not akin to those of the female menopause, which is a faster process.  Middle-aged men also experience sexual changes stemming from their lower hormone levels, but very gradually.  The change of life, or midlife crisis, is a psychological state that may or may not coincide with the physical andropause but usually starts about 10 years earlier, between the ages of 35 and 45.  The andropause, though it usually strikes in middle age, can start at any age between 35 and 80.  Professor Lotter has not made this distinction between the physical symptoms of the andropause and the psychological symptoms of the male midlife crisis, though his "cyberphobia" seems to refer more to the latter.

Malcolm Carruthers, a chemical pathologist and expert on the midlife crisis and the andropause, has a checklist for midlife crisis symptoms: a lack of confidence and apprehension about domestic arid professional futures may lead to physical symptoms including loss of sexual drive, lack of energy and shriveling creativity.  They may take to the levels bottle or become reliant on sleeping pills, and escape reality through grandiose daydreams and disturbing nocturnal ones.

Doctors usually explain that the seeds of lack of self-esteem and insecurity in early middle age may well have been laid down earlier, perhaps from a childhood blighted by a lack of accepting love, an absentee parent, a distant father or a too-dominant mother.  At the age of 40, sound foundations are needed to accept the advance of younger rivals.  Those who are not feeling secure may suddenly become aware that business life, like life itself, is finite - and then realise for the first time that they are as expendable as they are mortal.

The actual crisis may be precipitated by job loss, or the death of a parent, dissatisfaction with home life, diminishing career opportunities and a realisation that he will be passed over for top jobs.  It is too easy to blame the midlife crisis on marital disharmony and its usual consequence of the wandering eye.  The charming little children, cuddly and adoring, have become rebellious adolescents - probably equally loving but well able to disguise this.

The precipitating factors that can precede both the andropause and the midlife crisis are psychosocial stress, excessive alcohol, injuries or operations (including vasectomy), medication, smoking and obesity.  Any introspective, depressive feelings will not be helped by diminishing sexual attractiveness.

As the midlife crisis usually precedes the andropause, these unhappy men may still have plenty of testosterone but not always the opportunity to profit from it.  Their drying skin and thinning hair may belie their sexual needs.  Kindly wives or partners can help by understanding the difference between the midlife crisis and the andropause.  The midlife crisis can be helped by making it clear that their man will be just as lovable if he never becomes chairman and if he doesn't have the sexual prowess of Michael Douglas or the looks of Hugh Grant.

Understanding the andropause - the male menopause, as opposed to the midlife crisis - is more straightforward, as changes affecting the physique can be measured.  Doctors can determine how much testosterone the testes are producing and how hard the pituitary gland is having to work to keep testosterone flowing.  It is a grave mistake to assume that the only evidence of testosterone failure is increasing evidence of "brewer's droop".  Low testosterone levels are often an important part of advancing impotence, but the are many more direct physical cause for it which are of greater importance.

The andropause and failing hormone levels can affect every aspect of life and may account, usually at a rather late age, for many of the symptoms of the midlife crisis that Lotter calls cyberphobia.  The symptoms, when part of the andropause, have a physical cause and can be treated by physical means - men, too, can have HRT - but even greater care has to be taken when prescribing it.

The classic symptoms of the andropause are lack of drive, loss of enthusiasm, diminishing energy and increasing tiredness.  The andropausal patient may be feeling inexplicably depressed; his once enthusiastic, hopeful self smothered by feelings of hopelessness.  His powers of concentration may be affected.  A formerly amiable soul may become bad-tempered.  Most mammals are more easily driven to anger as they grow older.  Bulls of a certain age become unreliable; so do men, and this may partly be related to falling testosterone levels.

There is also a lack of stamina, the hair begins to fallout even quicker and the skin wrinkles faster.  Changes in muscle power alter body shape: powerful legs become thin chicken legs, abdomens become paunchy.  Hours of weightlifting will do nothing to change this redistribution.  Ageing, depressed, andropausal men can help themselves by dieting but they will never regain their youthful figure, or vigour, without recourse to hormone therapy - which in some cases could be risky.

Much is made of the decline in male sexual prowess in middle age.  As part of the normal pattern of ageing, men between the ages of 45 and 55 sometimes cease to be the sexual instigators in an established partnership.  This was very unfortunate in the Victorian era and continued to be so till the 1970s as women were taught that they were emotionally the passive partners.

I only stopped working in genito-urlnary medicine four years ago, but even then it was still common to have to teach middle-aged women their role if their partners were to overcome normal potency problems.  At a certain age it is no longer good enough for couples to have a romantic dinner and hope for the best as they lie back and think of past times.  In a regular partnership, physical stimulation is needed to prime the male.  This has to be carefully judged: too much enthusiasm and the man feels that he will be a disappointment and nothing happens.  Too little enthusiasm and the same result is achieved.

Impotence should never be attributed to ageing, or to low testosterone levels until other causes such as diabetes, arterial disease, hypertension, heart and renal disease have been excluded. - The Times

Source: The Dominion Wednesday 12 July 2000

Sorry, guys, but you can't turn back the clock.  You can only cover up its hands temporarily.

See also:

Biological Clock Strikes for Men, Too (earlier in this section) - American scientists have discovered that genetic damage to sperm routinely starts to cause infertility in men as young as 35...

For more articles related to Men including sperm donations on the net, the effects of testosterone, condom sizes, buddies, smells, nagging, gynæcologists, mid-life crises, fathers and more click the "Up" button below to take you to the Table of Contents page for this section.