What Do They Look Like?
The nearest the modern general or admiral comes to a small-arms encounter of any sort
- C Wright Mills
Man who waits for roast duck to fly into mouth must wait very, very long time.
- Jules Renard
Photo source: www.wingandrack.com
Every field has its stories depicting the contrasting subcultures within the field. Among MD's this means surgeons vs internists vs pathologists vs psychiatrists. "We heal with steel!" "When in doubt, cut it out!", "Surgery is the ideal therapy: it separates the disease from the patient," and "Never let the skin come between you and the diagnosis!" are just a few of the slogans that give a taste of the essence of surg culture.
The surgeons like to parody the more medically oriented folks (like yours truly) by stroking imaginary beards and declaiming "Hmmmm, perhaps we should raise the calcium. Or maybe lower the magnesium. On the other hand, it could be that a trial of corticosteroids would be warranted. I think I'll go back to my lab, read a few more articles and think about this some more," et cetera.
Anyway, you've all heard the generic jokes about "N X's: an X1, an X2,..., and an XN all go together to perform activity Y." My favorite of these for docs is "The hospital duck hunt" story.
The staff of St Elsewhere (an old medical euphemism for some unspecified hospital not as good as yours) go for a duck shoot with the departments of medicine, surgery, pathology and psychiatry all in differents boats in different parts of the marsh.
In the early morning calm, a rustle of wings suddenly erupts near the medicine boats. "A sonological pattern consistent with the aerial movement of ducks!" shouts the chief resident.
"But wait, replies the attending physician. Ducks may very well occupy the top of the differential diagnosis but this pattern is by no means pathognomonic. One must also keep in mind geese, swans, herons, egrets, radio controlled model aircraft with engine difficulty, digital dolby recordings of actual water fowl flight, not to mention..."
Well of course the ducks are long past by this point and heading over the psychiatrist's boats. They, however, are too engrossed in their own discussions to notice. "What do you suppose one should make of this highly suspect activity whereby a largely male group competing for intra-group dominance ventures into the extremely womblike marsh brandishing long, incredibly phallic weaponry and transferring their own feelings of impotent rage into a symbolic penetration of the elusive, feminine flight motif?..."
The ducks pass, amused but unharmed. It it their misfortune then to pass nearby the surgery staff who at the first flutter of sound grab their rifles and fill the air with lead shot and smoke, removing everything down to the last dragonfly from the dawning, rose-colored sky. "Hey, fellas!", the chief of surgery shouts over to the pathologist's boats. "Go see if those things were ducks, will ya!?"
Source: Posted on rec.humor.funny by email@example.com.EDU (Robin Colgrove) 13 Apr 1989
Watch Out for Ducks...
Three guys die together and go to heaven. St Peter says, "We only have one rule here: Don't step on the ducks, as they are God's favourite creation."
They enter heaven and see ducks everywhere, and it's almost impossible not to step on a duck. The first guy accidentally steps on one, and soon here comes St Peter with the ugliest woman you've ever seen. St Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment is to be chained to this ugly woman forever."
The next day the second guy steps on a duck, and sure enough, St Peter comes with another real ugly woman and chains them together.
Seeing this, the third guy is very, very careful. He goes for months and doesn't step on any ducks. Then one day, St Peter comes along with this beautiful woman, a blue-eyed blonde, very young and very sexy. He chains them together and leaves without saying a word.
The man remarks, "Wow! This is great! I wonder what I did to deserve this?"
The blonde says, "I don't know about you, but I just stepped on a duck."
And the Penguins Will Watch Out for You
A Mexican newspaper reports that bored Royal Air Force pilots stationed on the Falkland Islands devised what they consider a marvelous new game. Noting that the local penguins are fascinated by airplanes, the pilots search out a beach where the birds are gathered and fly slowly along it at the water's edge. Perhaps ten thousand penguins turn their heads in unison watching the planes go by, and when the pilots turn around and fly back, the birds turn their heads in the opposite direction, like spectators at a slow-motion tennis match.
Then, the paper reports, "The pilots fly out to sea and then turn and fly directly to the penguin colony, overflying it. Heads go up, up, up - and ten thousand penguins fall over gently onto their backs.
Source: home.earthlink.net from the Audubon Society Magazine
Tokyo Zoo Penguins in Awe of Giant on April Fool's Day
Tokyo - Emperor penguins looked up in awe as Tokyo's main zoo unveiled its latest addition - a giant penguin said to be suspiciously close in height and weight to a human. "A great discovery!" blared the special news release by the Ueno Zoo, saying the Tonosama (Lord) Penguin was 165 centimeters (5 feet, 6 inches) tall and weighed 80 kilograms (176 pounds). As the cameras rolled, the real penguins rose their beaks and gazed up at the purported Lord - but then walked away disinterested when he took off his penguin face to reveal himself to be zoo director Teruyuki Komiya.
The press release - which stressed the newly discovered animal would be unveiled on April 1 - said the giant penguin's favorite food was "white fish meat with soy sauce."
Source: story.news.yahoo.com Friday 1 April 2005 photo credit Yoshikazu Tsuno AFP
The Penguin Equivalent of Cream Pie in the Face
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Now They're Movie Stars
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And They Sometimes Appear on TV
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Two traveling penguins from SeaWorld in San Antonio went through regular airport screening at Denver International Airport recently. Pat and Penny were removed from their carry-on case so they could walk through the metal detector. A handler walked ahead of the two birds to show them the way. They looked a little confused about why they had to do it. ("It's not like I planned to hijack the plane to Antarctica," thought Pat.)
Pat and Penny had visited an Anheuser Bush brewing plant in Colorado - the beer giant owns SeaWorld.
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