Does This Fly
It Didn't Register
Maybe we should develop a Crayola bomb as our next secret weapon. A happiness weapon. A beauty bomb. And every time a crisis developed, we would launch one. It would explode high in the air - explode softly - and send thousands, millions, of little parachutes into the air. Floating down to earth - boxes of Crayolas. And we wouldn't go cheap, either - not little boxes of eight. Boxes of 64, with the sharpener built right in. With silver and gold and copper, magenta and peach and lime, amber and umber and all the rest. And people would smile and get a little funny look on their faces and cover the world with imagination.
- Robert Fulghum
F-15 Eagle, with afterburners, making a sharp pull to a steep climb right after takeoff
Getting Even? Or Getting Nothing?
I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing...
One evening last week, my girlfriend and I got into bed. The passion started to heat up, but she eventually said, "I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
I said "What??!! What was that?!"
She said the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear - "You’re just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can’t you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"
Realising that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big (unnamed) department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn’t decide which one to buy, so I told her we’d just get them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Let's get a pair for each outfit!" We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. She was so excited! She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn’t even know how to play tennis. But I threw her for a loop when I said, "That’s fine, Honey." She was almost nearing an orgasm from all the excitement. With excited anticipation she finally said, "I guess that's enough, Dear, let’s go to the cashier."
I could hardly contain myself. I said softly, "No, Honey. I don’t feel like it."
Her face went completely blank for a second. Her jaw dropped. She uttered a baffled, "What??"
I said, "Honey - I just wanted you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You’re just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."
She now had this look like she was going to kill me, but I couldn't resist. I added, "Why can’t you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"
Apparently I’m not having sex tonight either.
Source: ofuzi.com posted by Chief 28 May 2007
For some reason, the joke above reminds me of this cartoon...
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