Lynde Me Your Ear
Life does not require us to be consistent, cruel, patient, helpful, angry, rational, thoughtless, loving, rash, open-minded,
- Richard Bach
Peter Marshall: Paul, can you get an elephant drunk?
Paul Lynde didn't just say dirty things on The Hollywood Squares, he said kinky things. And bitchy things. In the real world he'd be the kind of person you'd invite to a party full of boring people, just because you knew he'd say something outrageous and liven things up.
Lynde was born in July 1926 in Mount Vernon, Ohio. He established himself in stage productions like New Faces and Bye Bye Birdie (a memorable part he re-created on film), and in roles in such movies as The Glass Bottom Boat, Send Me No Flowers, and as an Indian chief in The Villain, a Kirk Douglas 1979 experiment in comedy. On television he appeared in The Red Buttons Show, The Perry Como Show, The Paul Lynde Show, and Temperature's Rising, and made memorable guest shots on shows like I Dream of Jeannie and The Munsters. But on television he'll always be remembered for two things: the practical-joking wiseacre warlock, Uncle Arthur, on Bewitched - and of course, the centre square, where he christened and launched thousands of sassy little barbs.
Off camera, his career took a melancholy turn when a drunken friend fell to his death from a high rise window in 1965 (Lynde tried to save him), and when Lynde developed a drinking problem that gave him a nasty disposition. Although Lynde appeared on the show for years and years, he did not appear on either the first or last NBC broadcasts. Lynde first appeared on the show's second week (24-28 October 1966) and and joined full-time in the fall of 1968. He left the show in the spring of 1979, supposedly leaving to pursue more film roles but reportedly fired over a drinking problem, but came back for the one Las Vegas season in 1980-81. During that one season he had equal billing with Peter Marshall, much the same way Whoopi Goldberg now has with Tom Bergeron. And oh yes, to answer the question most often asked about Lynde - as Joe Florenski, who has a wonderful site devoted to Paul, best sums it up, "He's as gay as Christmas." Lynde died of a heart attack (under bizarre circumstances - too many "poppers") in January 1982 in Beverly Hills.
Peter Marshall: According to the famous quote by Alexander Pope, a little what is a dangerous thing?
Peter Marshall: The great writer George Bernard Shaw once wrote, "It's such a wonderful thing, what a crime to waste it on children." What is it?
Peter Marshall: According to Ben Franklin, in Poor Richard's Almanac, "He that falls in love with himself will have no..." No what?
Peter Marshall: According to the great poem by Edgar Allan Poe, "We loved with a love that was more than love, I and my..." I and my what?
Peter Marshall: It was Aristotle who once said that even the bitterest of enemies can be united by a common... A common what?
Peter Marshall: If the right part comes along, will George C Scott do a nude scene?
Peter Marshall: Will a goose help warn you if there's an intruder on your property?
Peter Marshall: In "Alice in Wonderland", who kept crying "I'm late, I'm late?"
Peter Marshall: According to Tony Randall, "Every woman I've been intimate with in my life has been..." What?
Peter Marshall: Diamonds should not be kept with your family jewels, why?
Peter Marshall: What is a pullet?
Peter Marshall: In the Middle Ages, Paul, people in convents were not allowed to eat beans because they believed something about them we now know isn't true. What?
Peter Marshall: Paul, Snow White... Was she a blonde or a brunette?
Peter Marshall: Prometheus was tied to the top of a mountain by the gods because he had given something to man. What did he give us?
Peter Marshall: When Richard Nixon was Vice-President, he went someplace on a "good will mission," but instead wound up being stoned and shouted at. Where did this
Peter Marshall: True or false, cow's horns are used to make ice cream.
Peter Marshall: What are "dual purpose" cattle good for that other cattle aren't?
Peter Marshall: Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
Peter Marshall: True or false: research indicates that Columbus liked to wear bloomers and long stockings.
Peter Marshall: Whose motto is "Do Your Best"?
Peter Marshall: According to the French Chef, Julia Child, how much is a pinch?
Peter Marshall: It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics. What is the other?
Peter Marshall: True or false: the navy has trained whales to recover objects a mile deep.
Peter Marshall: It used to be called "9-pin." What's it called today?
Peter Marshall: When you pat a dog on its head he will usually wag his tail. What will a goose do?
Peter Marshall: Paul, in the early days of Hollywood, who was usually found atop Tony, the Wonder Horse?
Peter Marshall: During the War of 1812, Captain Oliver Perry made the famous statement, "We have met the enemy and..." And what?
Peter Marshall: What is the name of the instrument with the light on the end, that the doctor sticks in your ear?
Peter Marshall: In one state, you can deduct $5 from a traffic ticket if you show the officer... What?
Peter Marshall: Experts say you should avoid sex immediately after - what?
Peter Marshall: It's well known that small amounts of female hormones are found in the male body. Are male hormones ever found in the female body?
Peter Marshall: In the Wizard of Oz, the lion wanted courage and the tin man wanted a heart. What did the scarecrow want?
Peter Marshall: Billy Graham recently called it "our great hope in a confusing and ever-changing world." What is it?
Peter Marshall: What should you do if you're going 55 miles per hour and your tires suddenly blow out?
Peter Marshall: We've all heard the old phrase "A pig in a poke." What is a poke?
Peter Marshall: Paul, this is for $1200 and the championship. Dale Evans recently revealed the three secrets behind her happy marriage with Roy Rogers. Now
listen carefully... "We work together, we pray together and we're darn good..." What?
Peter Marshall: If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
Peter Marshall: What did James Watt invent after fooling around with his wife's tea kettle?
Peter Marshall: The Great White is one of the most feared animals. What is the Great White?
Peter Marshall: Is it possible for the puppies in a litter to have more than one daddy?
Peter Marshall: Fred Astaire says, his mother has been trying to get him to do this since he was 35. But he hasn't done it and says he won't do it until he's
ready. Do what?
Peter Marshall: It is the most abused and neglected part of your body - what is it?
Peter Marshall: Elizabeth Taylor calls it "the Big One." What is it?
Peter Marshall: Sophia Loren recently revealed that when she was a child she never played with something. What?
Peter Marshall: Now listen carefully, Paul. If you have one it's a moose. If you have two, it's a....?
Peter Marshall: Henry Kissinger was recently quoted as saying,"They aren't even sexy!" Who was he referring to?
Peter Marshall: A photograph of Queen Elizabeth had her stepping onto the shores of Bangkok, onto a carpet made of what?
Peter Marshall: Paul. a recent navy picture had Admiral Zumwalt kissing Admiral Duirk. Why?
Peter Marshall: Paul, according to the classic movie Frankenstein, Dr Frankenstein was supposed to do something important the day the monster killed
Peter Marshall: True or false? George Jessel has a 9 year old daughter.
Peter Marshall: Paul, is there such a thing as a female rooster?
Peter Marshall: Nathan Hale, one of the heroes of the American Revolution, was hung. Why?
Peter Marshall: Paul, what profession is the most common for prostitutes after they retire?
Peter Marshall: Paul, true or false: studies show that women in their 60s have a more intense craving for physical romance than when they were in their 40s...
Peter Marshall: True or false: there are more psychiatrists in Beverly Hills than plumbers.
Peter Marshall: Now listen carefully, Paul: during the time of the hula hoop, the yo-yo, and Davy Crockett hats, who was in the White House?
Peter Marshall: Sophia Loren has written a cookbook which will be published this spring entitled, Cooking With_______. Cooking with what?
Peter Marshall: The Atlantic Ocean is the major body of water on Africa's west coast. What body lies off Africa's east coast?
Peter Marshall: Glen Campbell recently stated, "Love to me is something you ..." Something you what?
Peter Marshall: Besides a baton, what did Xavier Cugat always have in his hand when he lead his orchestra?
Peter Marshall: Can chewing gum help prevent a child from catching a cold?
Peter Marshall: A soap opera in Australia called Number 96 offers audiences something that no American soap opera has. What?
Peter Marshall: Elizabeth Taylor recently stated, "It wasn?t easy." And hubby Richard Burton added, "But we both sleep much better." They were both talking
about the same thing. What?
Peter Marshall: After Phyllis Diller's recent facelift, she received thousands of letters, mostly asking three questions: Did it hurt? How much did it cost? And
one other... What?
Peter Marshall: Eddie Fisher recently stated, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for them both." Who or what was he referring to?
Peter Marshall: True or false: Ari Onassis gave Jackie $5million worth of jewelry in their first year of marriage alone.
Peter Marshall: In the movies, who gave the advice, "Whistle while you work"?
Peter Marshall: According to Johnny Carson's ex-wife Joanne, after the divorce, he sent her a copy of a best-selling book. Which one?
Peter Marshall: Paul, true or false: the University of Nebraska was recently given $185,000 for an extensive study of the prune.
Peter Marshall: There's tennis elbow, there's jogger's knee, and there's swimmer's _____. Swimmer's what?
Peter Marshall: According to the old song, "At night, when you're asleep, into your tent I'll creep." Who am I?
Peter Marshall: Paul, who was famous for saying, "On King, on huskies"?
Source: Mostly from geocities.com
Two intoxicated men were thrown out of a bar. While walking down the street, they came across a dog, sitting on the curb, licking its privates. The men stand there watching, and after awhile one says, "Boy, I sure wish I could do that." The other man looks at him and says, "Well, I think I'd pet him first."
There was a cruise ship going through some rough waters that ended up sinking just off the coast of a small deserted island. There where only three survivors - two men and a woman. They lived there for a couple of years doing what was natural for men and women. After several years of casual sex, all the time, the girl felt really bad about what she had been doing. She felt having sex with both guys was so bad that she killed herself. It was very tragic but the two guys managed to get through it. After awhile, nature once more took its inevitable course. A few more years went by and the guys began to feel absolutely horrible about what they were doing. So, they buried her.
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